prejudice and the why of bisexuality

[girl11 (deleted)]

so what do you do when you come across those that say bi people are just indecisive ? that we are really gay or straight but can't make up our minds....personally I find this stance even more repugnant than the ever present theory that bi people are nothing more than raging nymphos that can't control themselves. how do you explain? I want to help eradicate this prejudice in my friends but it's hard to make them understand.

[miamilakes (deleted)]

.Looking to make friends and good times

[rooftop (deleted)]

I agree. To me, bisexuality has nothing to do with being gay or straight. To me, being gay is to be able to fall in love with somebody of the opposite sex, while being straight is to fall in love with somebody of the opposite s--. As far as S-- is concerned, S-- is just s--. Be it with the same gender or the opposite gender, it's all just fun.
Unfortunately we do live in a society where a lot of people can't see that difference. I don't know how many times I've heard someone (usually a guy) say "if a man sucks another mans d---, he's gay". For that reason, I don't tell anybody that I like S-- with men and women. Only a few people know, and that is my wife, and three girls that I'm friends with that are very open minded (2 of the women are bi-sexual also, while the third is straight).

[girl11 (deleted)]

```ok from straight guys I usually get either "all women are bi because they are made for S-- blah blah blah" type talk or "women can't be bi because S-- is penetration of the vagina or an*s with a phallus blah blah blah" type talk. straight women give the ol' "bisexuals are indecisive ----s" routine . gay folks are usually cool but look at me the way the jedi council did anakin skywalker. I dunno it's stupid. people are beautiful people who deserve the serenity and joy of S-- with those they like best....

[vashydana]

girl11 wrote: ```ok from straight guys I usually get either "all women are bi because they are made for S-- blah blah blah" type talk or "women can't be bi because S-- is penetration of the vagina or an*s with a phallus blah blah blah" type talk. straight women give the ol' "bisexuals are indecisive ----s" routine . gay folks are usually cool but look at me the way the jedi council did anakin skywalker. I dunno it's stupid. people are beautiful people who deserve the serenity and joy of S-- with those they like best....

"jedi council"

"anakin skywalker"!!!!!

what i think is sad is that there seems to be a problem with lgbt bars. i mean wtf..they SAY they include everyone, but its either butchy lesbian couples, or uber femmey gay couples, and the transgendered variety are up on stage performing...

meanwhile here are we bisexuals being looked at like we smoked a pound of crack...
whats worse? we dont even have cool jewelry !! ever look online for bipride type stuff? it's the same crap a kid would make in kindergarten... and its bull----! the gay and lesbian groups have awesome s--- like wallets, and watches and rings and keychains, and shoes!! and shirts!!! jackets!!! but what do bisexuals have? a couple of multicolored beads and have a nice day. i'm personally sick of it

[dharmapunk]

`Bi guys get the whole "sorry, I don't want AIDS and I don't want to be your beard" line.

"Bi now, gay later, sweetie. Dump him" UGH

[karendevi (deleted)]

It seems to me that a lot of these preconceptions arise out of the either/or, bipolar paradigm. One is, ineluctably (or so the assumption is) either a woman or a man, and one is attracted to either someone of the same or other sex/gender (indistingished by the main stream still), thereby being straight or gay/lesbian.

Indeed, it is implicit in this very board, when the search possibilities, even on sites that are bi or tg focused, still remain: woman seeking man, woman seeking woman, man seeking man, man seeking woman. Where are the possibilities woman or man seeking either, or, to get even more courageous, either seeking either? For example, why can one not on this board do a search for others compatible with one's self, without needing to disinguish which gender -- male, female, or other (and one can't even search on 'other')?

Bisexuality starts to undermine some of the assumptions of the either/or paradigm when we begin to find ourselves attracted to others regardless of their gender. Similarly, transgender undermines some of the same assumptions when it becomes clear that there are other possible permutations of S-- and gender than the standard male=man, female=woman.

And the same response comes to both bisexuality and transgender as well. One is asked, if bisexual, when will you decide to be either gay or straight? Similarly, a genetically male transgendered person, for example, is often asked, when will you get "the operation" and become a woman? In either case, one is cornerced to fit into one or the other role of the either/or, bi-polar paradigm. Hence, the kind of common responses to bisexuals quoted by others in this thread.

It is, basically, lack of imagination. And the only answer perhaps will be to awaken to the fact that human beings come into a wider spectrum than blue or pink, and more flavors than chocolate or vanilla, and that the beautiful dance of yin/yang, shakti/shiva, can take many, many forms.

[twobecum3 (deleted)]

`I am currently in agreement with most of the posts on this thread. I am working on my Master's thesis in Anthropology on Human s----lity...the topic. BISEXUALITY: How we have become so misunderstood. I am complete agreement that not only in society but academia are there so many misconcetions or prejudice against this other form of s----lity. Too many people only can think in binary terms. They have a hard time getting their heads around a tri or quad form (think branches on a tree) of forms of s----lity wihtin a s----lity (eg. Bisexual men, attracted to both, or transgender people attracted to both sexes). "They" see it easier to demonize the other legitimate groups of s----lities and elevate themselves to dictate what we can and cannot find attractive. I have found very little evidence in academia or society that has a truly open mind to exploring this issue. I do hope in the coming years that I can shed some light to this misunderstood area. WE ARE HUMAN BEINGS WITH MANY FORMS OF s----l ATTRACTION....we are not to be pigeonholed into makeshift moulds of what is or is not acceptable. I do wish there was more literature on bisexual men, but as often stated in this forum, they are the most persecuted of all. (almost as much as trangendered people.)

Anyone who is interested in e-mailing me can do so at: (removed)

[bittyblondebabe]

I find it interesting that while mainstream society seems to embrace some movement along the gender continuum, such movement along the s----lity continuum is not generally permitted. Women can have short haircuts, neglect make-up, and abandon the all mighty skirt. Men can shave their chest, wear pink, and go to tanning salons. Thanks to Katy Perry we know it's okay for girls to kiss girls and like it, "it's innocent". However, guys kissing guys isn't spoken of exclusive from homophobia. I do hope that once enough gender-bending occurs in western society, Alfred Kinsey's Scale of s----lity will become common knowledge instead of the deeply concealed taboo that it is in the realm of scientific research.

To answer your question of how to respond, I put it like this: The last thing I am is indecisive. I went through a period during which I attempted to conform to this either/or paradigm. I knew I would always be attracted to both sexes but thought I had to choose which one I would act on said attraction with. For a long time I tried to see only men, thinking heterosexuality was the easier path to travel.

When I tried telling a few of my close friends I was bi, they seemed to think I was coming to them with a problem, not an announcement. They thought I needed assistance deciding which I was more attracted to. While their intentions came from a good place, they sent me to an isolated one.
After a few failed relationships with men I started seeing only women. I had two long term committed relationships with women, both of which lasted over a year.

I found myself unfulfilled in seeing only women or only men. When I was with a man I longed for a woman's soft skin, her gentle kisses, and her curves in my arms. When I was with a woman I longed for his broad shoulders to fill my embrace, the firm grasp of his rough hands, and his bulging muscles against me.

I have decided that I am as bisexual as a person can be. A good friend of mine keeps a mental tally of who turns my head and it's 50/50. While I am not monogamous, I am no less committed once I develop feelings for a person. I will see only one man and one woman simultaneously, but separately and they always know about each other.

WARNING: GRAPHIC DETAIL
I added this only because I am aware of some of the questions that could be brewing out there. Who gets me first, who gets leftovers - right? Well the answer isn't simple. It depends on schedule and proximity of course. I have a lot of rules of engagement for myself: I use condoms religiously. I won't do both in one day. I always shower in between. I prefer to see a woman the day before I see a man, not vice versa. The reason for that is men tend not to mind going there after a woman has already been there, whereas women (including myself) prefer not to lap up a man's sloppy seconds.

[wikskul]

`i guess i am lucky since i grew up with so many les/gay influences in my life.. i saw how they handled being looked down apon and i learned from that... when i came out i lost alot of straight and gay/les friends due to it and was laughed at and called a nymph... but i look at it this way... when one laughs.. there are so many others who except and understand how har it can be to be attracked to both sides.... but i have come to except that most people are ignorant and live in a nice little box that they are afraid to look out side of.. and if they cant accept that fact that i am bi.. then i leave and move on. my life and who i am is more important then what people think of me and so i live my life as honest as i can... the world and ignorance be damned.... Life is too short to worry what people think of you so i just live it the way i need to to make me happy.

[ccwat69_PREV (deleted)]

im on hols at the moment and just got together with a guy for the first time,loved it but id still lean towards the ladies more!finally the confusion is over and i can live my life as a bi guy!

[bushido1]

ive been ? myself lately. see i love everything about a women. they are so beautiful. but there are times when i see a man with the perfect body or just is attractive. i would watch tv ,magazines and feel attracted and wanted to keep looking. i watch ----os and sometime i like the way the man looks with the package. i think there are some nice big ones out there that i cant help not to look. this is my natural way of thinking but inever say anything

[wicket]

`I think it's not understandable but expected to be treated differently by straight ppl that learn your bi but to be treated by gay ppl like you some kind of greedy ---- just boggles me .. i mean they treated us soemtime slike ppl treat them.. Soemtimes with lesbians they won't even give u a second glance if your bi cause they think that you will eventually leave them for a man.. i think that is thier insecuties not mine and i think it's crap to be treated that you cant help who you are attracted to...and i shouldn't have to apoligise fo anything.

sorry if my typing is messed up.. was in aruch..Take care

[joevil (deleted)]

`i've heard tis, the most infamous ones "guys can't be bi, there just gay" it annoyse the hell out of me. I am bi, and i tell them that to their face, i have saying , i like the pen as much as the puss, i like them equally, tell me if i got o far but i can eat out and suck and get the same enjoyment out of both! I like to get and give and i get the same enjoyment out of both, so how am i not bi?

[loraliebird (deleted)]

`I think it's a littler harder to be bisexual and married. I am married to a man. He doesn't think he can share. He knows I am bi but yet he just doesn't get it. He thinks gays are wrong. He is not religious but just doesn't understand the different types of love out there.

Me on the hand is biseuxal. I love women and men. I think I might love a woman more, just a little bit though. I love my guy so much. We have a beautiful daughter. And yet just because I have them it makes me appear a straight woman. I'm not.

I fill trapped in my role as housewife and mother. I am a s----l being who wants to be in love with a woman. Will I ever get it though? I don't know. I hope so.